Talks

I often get asked the same questions so let’s get those answered first.

  • My talks are perfect for large-ish groups (50+ people) of lively (rowdy), active (or actively retired), adults.
  • Each talk is a little under an hour long, plus questions.
  • They are funny.
  • They are not religious.
  • I am quite loud.
  • I don’t need a projector, or a projector screen.
  • I do need a table.
  • I charge £95 for groups of at least 50 people, plus travel…
  • My travel costs are £25 per hour to the venue (and back!) according to Google Maps…
  • Travel is calculated from Southend (SS9).
  • Due to my steadily failing eyesight I no longer like to travel in the dark.
  • I don’t work on the weekends…
  • …which includes Friday evening. (Sorry)
  • My fees are due on the day in cash, or cheque (or before, if you like – ask me for my bank details).
  • I regret that my talks aren’t suitable for schools, children’s clubs, care homes (or similar), or groups of less than 50 people.

My usual talk (entitled: How To Do Everything And Be Happy) tells the story of how I came to write my How To books, how I landed a book deal with audible andHarper Collins, as well as how I met my wife Kate and the influence that she had on my life. [Read More}

My follow up talk (entitled: How I met Kylie Minogue) tells the story of what happened after I’d written my How To books, how I came to write my first novel, and how Kylie broke down outside my house and needed to use my telephone – or would have done if there was any justice in this universe. [Read More]


Do I sound like your cup of tea? Then please, drop me a line via the ‘contact‘ page, and I’ll get back to you, diary at the ready.